Yesterday as I was scrolling through da gram (Instagram), I seen a post that said “you either give a guy 20 chances or give 20 guys one chance. Be a hoe or be single.” I instantly got upset because do most men think like this? Who made this? What kind of logic? Oh, the endless questions I had for this ridiculous ultimatum. So I decided to post this on my own Instagram story along with a poll asking who agrees with the statement, I did not post my own thoughts as I wanted to see who sincerely agreed.

When I first posted it, it was a landslide on how many people agreed; I was surprised. 22 hours later (the poll is only active for 24 hours total), 56% in agreement and 44% in disagreement. So more than half of the votes are people who agree that a woman’s only two options are to put up with a man’s numerous mess ups or be a hoe. I was even more surprised to see that 76% of the people who agreed were women! I’m not judging though because I’m sure just a few years ago I would have also agreed with this logic.

Now, let me state my opinion on why I disagree before everyone thinks I’m sitting on my high horse.

Let’s start by saying why does it have to be an either or? You can either be a hoe or you can be one of the most forgiving women ever. Let me make this clear to all women and men, dating 20 guys does NOT make you a hoe! You should be able to freely date and get to know as many men as you want without having to worry about the stigma of being a hoe. It is also rare that anyone has to date 20 people to find someone worth committing to and like my friend Eric Lackey said, “if you have to go through that many people to find the one then you might be the problem.”

If you give a man 20 chances, do you still blindly trust him? I’m going to take a wild guess here and say probably not as much as you would trust the guy who’s only messed up 2-3 times. Are you not mentally and emotionally drained from dealing with a man who has made a pattern of messing up because he knows you are going to forgive him? Are you still as confident in yourself and your relationship after giving your significant other so many chances? And a question for the men, if you have messed up 20 times at what point do you say I’m going to stop putting my significant other through so much emotional trauma?

What makes a person worthy of getting 20 chances? Are people so afraid to leave the known and take a chance on the unknown? Or could it possibly be a self-esteem issue where you feel as if you are not worthy enough to find a man who won’t convince you that them messing up 20 times is normal? I am also very curious to know if men are this forgiving of women and willing to give a woman 20 chances.

If you agree or disagree, please comment and feel free to tell me why; no judgement zone.